Changes on the Horizon

We've had our first post-adoption visit from our social worker. It was a breeze. She was in and out and very kind and uplifting. It seems that she followed that post- adoption paperwork that Gladney sent, asked the questions and then met Zadie (who slept through nearly the entire meeting!).

The one thing that came out of the meeting has been a dread of my going back to work. Let me clarify - when I say go back to work, I mean, to the preschool that I help run where Zadie will attend. She will literally be 20 feet from my desk in her first classroom, but it seems like it will 200 miles away. She and I have spent nearly every waking moment together since April 26th. We eat together. We laugh together. We play together. We nap together.

Back to the social worker - She just reminded me that I should get Zadie used to the new classroom. I know this. When I tour and enroll new families, I tell them this. You know - "She needs to understand that you trust the teachers." etc. But for some reason, I had not been following through. We have been to my school at least once a week since our return. But I hadn't made a point to let the teacher help her up when she falls or to feed her. It's so strange, but NO one has fed her since we met except for me, Charlie and a few bites from her cousin. And now she will eat lunch everyday with a few other babies. So, I think it may even be more important for her to know that Ms. Shannon is a very nice lady who can take care of you while mommy is away.

You know, it's kinda like the doctor who smokes - it's hard to take your own advice.

I think I am struggling with the new mindset. We have been working so hard on attaching. She definitely knows that I am her mommy and that Charlie is her daddy. We have been insanely protective of bath times, feeding times and bed times. We want her to understand that this is her home, and we are her family. And now she is going to spend the better part of her day with teachers and friends. In other words, I have to share my little treasure!

Don't get me wrong - I believe in our school. I think the children who spend time with us are prepared for kindergarten, for life. They are problem solvers, thinkers and sharers.

But this attaching time has been precious. So precious. I treasure every laugh, every feeding, every poopy diaper. I treasure every moment at the pool, every dance we've danced.

And now, I enlist the teachers' help in making our little Zadie Hayat even more confident, thoughtful and ready to be what she was meant to be! (Oh, I and I will be watching and listening from my desk ;) )

2 months as a family (and a little reflection)

As we celebrate the 2 month anniversary of being a family, I find myself looking back to Ethiopia. A family who is traveling for court and another family traveling to bring their son home have agreed to carry some photos and cards to the children at the orphanges and to the in-country staff.

While I has looking through the MILLION photos we have of children at the orphanages, my heart was breaking. The young men at Kolfe were amazing. Polite, thoughtful, ambitious. I told one boy at Kolfe that he had very good English. He said, "No ma'am. I don't. I need to practice." Then I responded, "Have you heard my Amharic?" Seriously, his English was spot on! He wanted to work to be an engineer. Their dreams inspire me!

At the younger children's orphanage, my heart was won by one little, filthy, stinky boy who only had the use of one arm. (He's in the photo above - we can't show faces of the children in the orphanages). I would guess he was 4 years old. One of the ladies in our group was passing out candy. She gave him a lollipop, and having one arm, he couldn't open it. I knelt to open his candy for him, and that was it - we were bonded. He held my hand. I carried him. He laughed. Somehow he got another piece of candy. And, while we were touring the facility, one little girl was lying in bed. I am not sure that she could get up, but her face was smiley and beautiful. My little friend willingly gave her his second piece of candy because she didn't get one. Our hearts broke. This little guy has nothing. Looking through the photos today, I see that his shoes were worn out and probably 2 sizes too big. His pants were probably two sizes too short and about 100 years old. But he gave away a treasure!

Then, as we were leaving, this little guy followed us to the car. He held onto me so tightly. We hugged and kissed. Then hugged and kissed some more. One of workers had to pry his hand off mine. Then he just sat down and bawled, I mean broken hearted wailing. Driving away, my heart broke. I think of his very often, and the photos broke my heart today.

We saw so much loss. So much need. So many little faces who just want a family.

As we were touring the baby room, which was desolate - way too many babies, many without diapers, in a small room, Travis reminded us of the story of the starfish. You know the one - the little boy throws starfish back in the ocean. Someone told him to give it up, that his efforts don't matter. And he replied, "It matters to the one I threw back."

Boy, are we thankful for Zadie Hayat. She loves us. We love her. We laugh together. She comes to me for comfort. In a public place, she holds tighter to her mother. I mean, we are thankful for the progress she has made. I hope we are wise as we continue our attachment. I just really want what's best for the little piece of love.

But, I can't stop thinking about all of those children. All of that need. What is my responsibility? The question haunts me.

One Month Home! (and a little drama)

Can you believe it? We have been home for one month! And, honestly, we can't remember life before Zadie Hayat made us a family.

She has brought many smiles to our hearts. And in the past couple of days, a couple of tears to our eyes! No, no, no - not her exactly. And she is fine and healthy, but we've been at the doctor a few times this week.

One thing that I wish I knew before it happened was the TB drama. The embassy immunization papers don't list bcg vaccine on the chart, therefore it is not listed on her immunizations. And, once a person has been vaccinated against TB, they will always test positive for exposure to the disease - which we knew. But, when Zadie tested positive with no record of her immunization, our pediatrician's office went into a frenzy. Our doctor was out of the office on Friday when her test was read, so we had another doctor. He was not so familiar with our situation. He wanted to call the health department right away, and have me report Zadie and let "the health department make decision on the next step". Next step?? I kept thinking - Like quarantine? I even asked the nurse if he meant quarantine. She laughed, but then she said, "Not right away, I mean not just yet."

The very kind and sensible nurse talked the doctor down, and sent me to the hospital with orders for a chest x-ray. Ok, now I was back on familiar ground. This is what we were told would happen next. Once we were in the lab, and poor Zadie was placed in some sort of tube with a bicycle seat that scared the mess out of her (and this is supposed to be bonding time, right?), the radiologist ran into the room to tell us that there was a spot on her lung and that there would need to be another x-ray. This is when I panicked - a spot??!!??

So, the very gentle x-ray tech and I put the doll-baby back into the tube thingy - with more screaming and kicking and looks of broken heart, "Mommy, how could you?" They took another x-ray, and then sent me on my way. I tried and tried to get information from the x-ray tech, but she kept saying that she wasn't allowed to give any information. But she did take me behind a glass and whisper that the radiologist looked very relieved with the second x-ray.

Later that evening the nurse called to say that everything was fine, that the spot on the first x-ray was not on the second one so we were in the clear. But I still have to go to the health department this week to report my child, but at least I have a clear chest x-ray to take with me!

I say all this to say, come on! We need to have proof of the vaccination! Charlie spent quite a long time on the phone with our case worker discussing how to fix this. I mean... Really.

I suppose that we could have refused the TB test, but she is going to school with me in a few weeks, and the doctor would not have released her to go without it. I am not sure if this a universal experience, or it is just a NC thing, but Zadie and I were both exhausted after the drama of the day.

Having said all of that, she is a doll. A gem. Perfect for our family. She laughs generously. She smiles often. She is easy going, and she loves her mommy and daddy. She sleeps. I mean, how would we even ask for more? We couldn't. And we won't.

Trip to Gladney Foster Care Center

On Wednesday morning of the week we were in Addis, the families and the children visit the foster care center. This is our first outing as a family, and, as our trip unfolded, it was my first trip thru Addis Ababa.

Once we made it to the foster care center, it looked exactly like I thought it would. We have all seen photos from many coffee ceremonies and many photos of our children in foster care. Everything looked like I thought it would until we got upstairs. The rooms where the babies slept were much smaller than I thought. They were happy, sunny places, but quite a lot smaller than I thought they would be.

We barely made it through the door of foster care center 1 before the special mother came and swept our little lady away from us. We ran into her a few more times, and each time the special mother and Zadie were playing and talking to each other. The care was evident between them. Zadie also had been dressed in her adorable traditional clothing.

The caregivers were all friendly. The children seemed happy and healthy. The older children were laughing and playing. We enjoyed moving room to room meeting the children, laughing with them. Giving hugs and kisses. Taking photos for moms and dads back home and delivering a few packages.

We made our way back to the coffee ceremony. The coffee was yummy. Popcorn topped off the ceremony. Then, when we were about to leave, Travis said, "We need to get Hayat (that's our Zadie) back, right?" She had not made it back to the coffee ceremony. When the special mother brought her back to us, the tears began to flow. My tears. Charlie's tears. The special mother's tears. She sent us away with blessings. Charlie and I gathered ourselves, and headed out. As we were walking to the cars, Charlie happened to look back. The special mother was standing on the balcony watching us walk away. She had tears in her eyes. My tears began to flow again. But knowing that our daughter's sweet, loving nature was nurtured by these caregivers is priceless.

The morning was such a lovely one. We saw the two beds where Zadie had slept while she was in Gladney's care. We even have her sweet little name card that hung over her bed. We met so many people who had taken care of our daughter. We also were able to thank the special mother who had developed a special relationship with Zadie over the months.

Zadie in Africa

Zadie's daddy posted many new photos of the little cutie in Africa on our mobileme. Click here to enjoy!

http://gallery.me.com/williamstrio

First Moments of Bonding

I tried my best to go in to the first days of bonding with no expectations, but I asked Charlie about 3 million times, "Do you think she is gonna love her mother and father?" And each time I asked, tears would well up in my eyes.

After the crazy day of trying to get to Addis from Gondar, we didn't know if we would meet Zadie Cakes on Monday night after the trip or if we'd have to wait until Tuesday morning. After our driver picked us up at the airport, we used his phone to call Travis who would tell us when we'd meet her.

Travis asked about our trip, chit-chatted a bit, THEN, he told us that he was waiting at the Bejoe house with our daughter!!! So, after all the months of waiting we had about 3 minutes to get ready. The emotions we big! But I can't describe them. Joy? Yes. Fear? Yep. Nervousness? Heck yeah. But there was no time to formulate.

We pulled up to to house, jumped out. I can't remember the walk into the house. I just remember opening the door and seeing the smallest little person sitting on the knee of a smiling man.

Somehow she ended up in my arms. Travis was snapping photos. Charlie and I had talked about not crying and being too emotional so that she wouldn't be scared. That conversation kept running through my mind. I had tears, but I kept laughing and laughing. I must have been bouncing her, because at one point Travis said, "Now remember, she just ate. I wouldn't bounce her too much."

Then somehow she ended up in Charlie's arms. The sight of the two of them together made me cry. But I kept thinking - I want her to think that we are sane people. So I held it together.

All of this happened in about 4 minutes. 4 minutes that changed our lives forever.

(the photos were taken over the next 2-3 days - and, by the way, she does love her mother and father!!!!!)

Life at the Bejoe House

Our first few days as parents took place at the Bejoe House in Addis Ababa, ET. It is a modest house, surrounded by a wall lined with barbed wire and manned by a guard (as is most residences in Addis), but it is a place of comfort and love.

We happened to travel with two great families - the Mullins and the Kopchas. They only added to the wonderful atmosphere of the Bejoe House.

Each morning the ladies made a delicious breakfast. They set the table for us, served us just like mom would and then held our babies so we could enjoy the nice breakfast in peace.

If you leave a random piece of clothing on the floor, you will find it hanging on the line out back after the ladies of Bejoe have HANDWASHED it and hung it out to dry.

When I was sick, the sweet ladies offered to make me plain rice to help settle my tummy.

Each night we had turn down service.

Once I washed Zadie's bottles in the kitchen. When the manager of the house found out that I had washed the bottles myself she put her foot down. From then on out, we had clean bottles delivered to our room on a tray.

The small yard is immaculately kept with green grass, lovely flowers and crisp landscaping. It was lovely to sit outside in the California like weather in the charming yard chatting with the other families and playing with our new children.

Ethiopia was an adventure. Bejoe House was a home away from home.